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Premarital Counselling

Premarital Counselling

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! While some only focus on the details of the wedding day, you are focusing on setting your marriage up for a lifetime of success! Amazing!

Whether you are:

-pre-engaged,

-engaged, or

-newly married, this is for you!

Premarital Counselling is the most important thing you can do as you prepare for your wedding day.  Please check out Melissa's September 15, 2015 blog post that outlines the reasons why premarital counselling is so important. 

While it is ideal to do premarital counselling at least 3-6 months before the wedding date, it can be done at any time, even after the wedding! This work can also be done during pre-engagement. Research has proven that premarital counselling helps to reduce the divorce rate.  

Our premarital program includes each person individually taking the on-line Prep-Enrich Inventory, SYMBIS, or Gottman Connect and then meeting together to review the results over several sessions. At the end, you and your partner receive a Certificate of Completion. After this, annual check-ups are highly recommended.

The Prep-Enrich inventory is a well known, highly valid and  reliable confidential on-line questionnaire. Susan and Melissa are trained in Prep-Enrich.

SYMBIS is another premarital tool that couples have found very useful, with optional books that accompany this program, called "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" by Les and Leslie Parrott. Melissa is trained in SYMBIS.

The Gottman Connect inventory is very thorough and is based on over 50 years of John Gottman's relationship research. Our whole team is trained in the Gottman Method. Melissa is trained and Certified in the Gottman Method and is a "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" Leader (for information on workshops and retreats on this, see our Services page). Susan, Azalea and Mathilde are also trained in the Gottman Method (Levels 1 and 2). 

As you book your initial appointment, please let us know which questionnaire you would like to use. We would then send you each a link to complete it. To complete the on-line questionnaire, there is a cost of  approximately $40USD investment that is paid directly to the respective institute (for example, The Gottman Institute, if you chose the Gottman Connect questionnaire). The results of the questionnaire would be discussed during our sessions together, and you would get a copy of your Couple Report.

Using the results of any of these inventories, we can quickly assess couple compatibility and personality in session, saving you time and money in the long-term. With any of these tools, we identify your couple strengths and areas of growth, and use activities and discussions to improve the areas of growth. We would usually cover topics such as: communication, conflict management, children, religion, finances, stress, family of origin/in-laws, marital expectations, chores, leisure, habits, personality differences, roles, relationship dynamics, mental wellness, couple goals, etc.

If you would like to integrate Christian faith, we are happy to bring in Biblical principles and prayer into the premarital work. This will help to bring God into the centre of the marriage and strengthen your relationship with Him and each other. Depending on your preferences and beliefs, we are also just as happy to offer premarital counselling from a secular framework.

Premarital counseling can help you and your significant other improve your relationship by helping you develop better communication skills, learn effective conflict management skills, uncover your shared core values as well as identify and manage differences that could otherwise create future conflict. Working with us, you can discuss expectations with your partner that will help better prepare both of you for marriage and a lifetime together!

So if these sound like you...

  • You and your partner have arguments that keep coming back
  • You feel like you're often the one who has to compromise or keep quiet to keep the peace
  • You're concerned about how your partner's financial situation will affect you as a married couple
  • You're worried about losing affection or having a diminished sex life after marriage
  • You want to find healthier ways to manage conflict
  • You want to figure out religious or financial differences
  • You want to define your marital roles and expectations
  • You're facing issues with future in-laws
  • You want to talk about future children/parenting
  • You want to successfully blend your families

. . . Then premarital counseling can be a great benefit to both you and your partner.

The intimate nature of marriage requires that you talk to your partner about everything, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable. Premarital counseling will help you learn how to be a better listener, and how to make your voice and your needs be heard in a productive and positive manner.

Premarital counseling will also show you how to handle conflict in your marriage. When you live with someone, you will have arguments ranging from the very mundane to more serious issues. How you argue will be a part of the story of how you are as a couple. Learn how to de-escalate arguments and how to fight fairly, so you don't cause emotional pain from things you said that you'll never be able to take back.

In pre-marital counseling, we will likely bring up topics that you've discussed with your partner previously, as well as subjects you had not previously considered. This fresh perspective from an objective third party will uncover new details from your partner. This is also an excellent time for us to find unexpected areas where you disagree, and give you the tools to handle possible future conflict.

Getting married is one of life's most treasured experiences. Research shows that having a great marriage offers better health, longer life expectancy, and wonderful companionship. Premarital counselling can help you and your partner turn that momentous occasion into a loving, lasting relationship. For guidance and support to strengthen your future marriage, please contact us today so we can schedule an appointment.

Therapists Who Offer This Service

Melissa Johari

Melissa Johari

Melissa Johari, Clinic Director of The Couple Wellness Experts, BA, MSW, MTS, RSW, CF
Clinical Fellow and Approved Supervisor with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)

Frequently Asked Questions

How do we know if premarital therapy is right for us?

We believe every couple can benefit from couples therapy, whether you are at the premarital stage or been married/together for a number of years. Even maintaining a healthy relationship takes effort. With the Gottman Connect Report, it saves time in therapy by pin-pointing what areas could be strengthened. 

If you are frustrated by having the same argument over and over again, have experienced a betrayal, or feel disconnected and lost, we are here to help you. We are all well-trained in couple-specific therapy that is evidence-based. There are proven strategies that can help you deepen your connection and improve conflict management. 

"What should I expect for next steps in premarital therapy?"

Our team is made up of Registered Social Workers and Registered Psychotherapists (Susan is Qualifying), which is covered under many benefit plans. It is highly recommend that you inquire with your benefit program first to verify your coverage before we begin. You would claim for reimbursement with the receipt provided. The credit card is processed through our secure therapy platform.

If you would like to book a free 15 minute video consultation before booking in a session, or would like to go ahead and book an appointment, you can click here:

Book an Appointment

Once your initial session is booked, you will each receive a consent/intake form to fill out. Please complete this at least 48 hours before the first session.

Please let us know which questionnaire you would like to use: Prep-Enrich, SYMIS or Gottman Connect. Please fill this out independently of each other. This is approximately $40USD, that you pay directly to Prep-Enrich, SYMBIS or the Gottman Institute. We will send you the link for this. This will help us to identify your strengths and areas of growth as a couple. Please complete this at least 48 hours before the first individual session (the session right after the first couple session). The report will not generate until both people have completed it.

This is a teaching practice. Sessions are usually recorded for supervision and/or certification purposes. Recordings are kept safe and secure and then are deleted. Live supervision also typically takes place for one session early in the intervention phase, at no extra cost to you. Interns may also join session, with your consent. Privacy is fully respected as the supervisor and interns are all bound by confidentiality.

At the beginning of our work together, it is ideal to meet weekly, although this depends on all of our availability. A typical schedule starts with three 90 minute sessions and then are usually 75 minutes long after that. For example:

Week 1: 90 minute couple session (Discuss a Conflict, Couple Oral History, Discuss Goals)

Week 2: both individual sessions, 60 minutes each (Individual Stories/Backgrounds)

Week 3: 90 minute couple session (Feedback Session/Finalize Goals)

Week 4: 90 minute couple session (Expressing Needs. This activity may take a few sessions)

Subsequent weeks: 75 minute sessions 

IMPORTANT: Please note there is a 48 hour cancellation policy.

Looking forward to working together!

How does it work? What do we have to do in sessions?

Being open and honest with yourself and each other, and having courage to reflect is a major part of what is required. Because each person has different issues and goals for counseling, it will be different depending on the situation. We tailor our therapeutic approach to your specific needs, and collaboratively establish our goals. For premarital counselling, we often cover common topics such as marital expectations, in-laws, wedding planning stress, communication, conflict management, children, sex, and finances.

We want to get the most out of therapy. What can we do to help with the process?

I am so glad you are dedicated to getting the most out of your sessions. Your active participation and dedication will be crucial to your success. Doing work between sessions is helpful, whether that means doing any homework assigned by the therapist, or personal reflection and journalling. We are grateful you are open to the process and that you are allowing us to journey with you.

What does progress look like in premarital therapy?

With premarital work, you are setting the foundation for your lifetime together. John Gottman says that just making small tweaks and changes will actually alter the trajectory of the relationship. Over time, you will be feeling closer and better able to manage inevitable conflicts.

Every couple will move at their own pace, depending on past hurts and goals. When couples front-end the investment of time and come consistently, that is when you will see the best results. 

It is natural to experience some setbacks at times, especially if there has been a triggering moment or you are working through difficult past hurts. Even though it might feel uncomfortable, it is a key step in achieving your goals in therapy

How long will it take?

Unfortunately, this is not possible to say in a general FAQs page. Everyone’s circumstances are unique to them and the length of time counseling can take to allow you to accomplish your goals depends on your desire for personal development, your commitment, and the factors that are driving you to seek counseling in the first place. Standard premarital work may take 10-15 sessions, or about 3-4 months.

What is the cancellation policy?

There is a 48 hour cancellation policy. If you need to rebook or cancel please let us know more than 48 hours ahead of time, otherwise the full session fee will be charged. The spot is held for you, and someone else waiting for an appointment could have benefited from it. Thank you for your understanding.

Can couples therapy help if there is intimate partner violence?

Couples therapy is often not appropriate if there is intimate partner violence, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or financial abuse/control.

There are other supports that are better suitable, such as:

  • The Victim Support Directory can help connect you with crisis support for violence or abuse, and you can call them at 1-888-579-2888 or chat online.
  • Assaulted Women's Helpline will help you with finding a shelter or connect you with legal aid: 1-866-863-0511, or on your mobile you can use #SAFE (#7233)
  • The Canada.ca website also has resources on family violence for men, youth, and Indigenous People.
  • If you have been a recent victim of sexual or physical abuse, go to your nearest hospital immediately. You can also access a treatment centre through the Ontario Network of Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Treatment Centres 
  • If there have already been criminal charges you can seek the PARS program


*Delete your search history if you worry about your partner seeing that you have been looking up these kinds of resources

What’s the difference between talking to you or my best friend or family?

The difference is between someone who can do something, and someone who has the training and experience to do that same thing professionally. A mental health professional can help you approach your situation in a new way– teach you new skills, gain different perspectives, listen to you without judgment or expectations, and help you listen to yourself. Furthermore, counseling is completely confidential. You won’t have to worry about others “knowing my business.” Lastly, if your situation provokes a great deal of negative emotion, and you’ve been confiding in a friend or family member, there is the risk that once you are feeling better you could start avoiding that person so you aren’t reminded of this difficult time in your life.

I’ve never talked to anyone. I’m used to handling things on my own. Aren’t people who go to therapy weak?

Not at all. People who ask for help know when they need it and have the courage to reach out. Everyone needs help now and then. In our work together, I’ll help you explore and identify your strengths and how to implement them to reduce the influence of the problems you are facing.

Can I follow you on social media?

You are open to like The Couple Wellness Experts page on Facebook, or add on Instagram or follow on Twitter. There is no expectation to do this. Please use discretion. There is a risk involved, as others who also follow these pages may see your user name. Our Social Media Policy prohibits us from connecting on social media with our personal profiles or actively engaging with current or former clients on any social media. We are committed to protecting your privacy and building a trusting relationship with you. Messaging through social media is not a secure platform and so it is best not to engage in this way. If you are a potential client, you can reach out to use through the contact us page on this website. As a client, you can use our secure messaging system for any correspondence. Further, you will never be asked to offer a review or testimonial on-line, as that would be a breach of confidentiality. We want to respect boundaries and protect your right to privacy. If you have any questions or concerns, please come to us directly. If there is anything in your on-line life that you wish to discuss with your therapist, please bring that into session where we can discuss it together during therapy time.